The Laws
Law One: Take Responsibility
You are responsible to the group. You are accountable for getting what you want from the group, for letting the group know when you feel that you have been heard and when you have not been heard. You are responsible for telling the group what is important to you, for building group trust, for nurturing and supporting the group. You are not just an attendee; you are an owner/operator of the group. You are responsible to accept leadership and to support the leader. When you are the leader, you are responsible to maintain the order of the group. This means that sometimes you will be confronted with conflicts that you will work to resolve rather than to avoid.
Taking responsibility also means being in the present, keeping your focus at the meetings and participating. Participating means helping the other men understand their story. At times, it might mean pointing out contradictions, or asking them how they feel, or giving feedback.
Law Two: Tell the Truth as You Believe It
This is a hard one because we often don’t know what the truth is. Our truth changes from week to week. You might be an avid atheist one week, and then a week later a born-again Christian. The law does not require that you be right, or that you can never change, but it demands that you are true to who you are. Don’t pretend to be something else. This doesn’t mean that you have to share every detail of your life. It only means that when you do share aspects of your life, you are truthful. For example, a man might be talking about a drug issue he is having, and another man in the group might have had a long history with drug rehab or also currently struggling. Even so, he is not required to share that. Not sharing is not dishonest. But if he were to say, “I’ve never had an issue with drugs.”, then he is not telling the truth. While this example is about a factual issue, men are much more likely to be dishonest about their feelings. Tell the truth; if you can’t tell the truth, then pass and say nothing.
Any man can pass, without a reason if he doesn’t want to say or participate in something. The group can’t force him or ask him why. The group has a responsibility to support him and to assume nothing by his pass.
Law Three: Maintain Confidentiality
What is said in the group stays in the group. This may seem simple but are there exceptions?
Discussion using the examples from the manual follows. These examples are designed so that the group will be able to clearly delineate what is confidential and what is not. These delineations may vary among groups; however it is imperative that every man in each group agrees on the meaning for his group.
When finished every man will have a clear understanding of what he may tell his partner or others outside the group.
Guidelines
Guidelines are merely procedures to help the group run better. They can be changed by consensus. The group can change them at this meeting or as needed over the evolution of the group.
Proposed Guidelines
Guideline One: Late or Absent
If you are going to be late or absent, call or email someone.
Guideline Two: Meeting Confirmation
The group leader is responsible to send out an email or call to each member confirming the meeting location.
Guideline Three: Smoking
No smoking during the meeting. (Some groups permit smoking or take breaks, decide what you want)
Guideline Four: Alcohol/Drugs
No one is to be impaired by alcohol or other drugs during the meeting.
Guideline Five: Cell phones
No cell phone use during the meeting, unless permission is asked at the beginning of the meeting.
Guideline Six: Leaving the Group
Should a man decide to leave the group, because he no longer can be, or he no longer wants to be, a member, he will attend an exit meeting.
I have noted any changes in the laws and guidelines that the group has made, I have made all of my objections clear, and we have reached an agreement that I understand and that I can support. I agree that these are the laws and guidelines of the group.
Sign _________________________.
Our group has added the following guideline:
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